One Year Later & Still Scaling

It's been a year since my last post. Kind of crazy of all the things that have happened in my life the past 12 months. 2011 is finally here, which is what the Drive has been all about, now it is time to act.

Stop... Continue.

Urban Landscape in January

One day you wake up, and you never even knew you were asleep.

Heavy were the words that drifted from my mind. Flowing like a river, but I know, I know myself.

And if you love everybody I want to shout at you and drink your wine and take it away with me. I need the sun to shine its rays upon me.

Flowing through the desolate winding banks, I may not know everybody, but I know myself.

Masochism World

Well it's 2010, nothing much has changed... that isn't bad though.

I've started my second quarter at DePaul, and winter quarter appears it will be more consuming than fall. I feel I will definitely learn a lot this quarter, especially in economics and urban/city development. So I feel good that I know I'm getting an education.

I got accepted today to get to a special seminar in Brussels in March for a week intensive study at the EU headquarters. That's pretty cool and espeically since you had to apply to be allowed to go and I was chosen. Now I just have to finance the trip.

I have 10 gigs between now and the end of March which is the busiest I've been musically in No Exit and the busiest I've been since in American Flag. I got a BIG GIG at the Abbey Pub on the 24th of January. It's my unofficial make or break gig.

I've made some inferences this winter break.

Does the world want to be saved? It surely doesn't seem to act like it.

Can we as individuals do acts that are totally selfless? I still believe in selfless acts, and still try to do them, but the question one must ask oneself is why are they truly doing it. I have given up on the idea of philanthropy, it's not real. Real philanthropy is being anonymous and thus contradicts the defintion and idea of philanthropy in which heroizes an individual for there contributions. Carnagie may have a college, a theatre, a library, and other various buildings named after him, but it still doesn't mean acts were purely utilitarianistic and selfish.

The Framingham Study has some interesting results about happiness. The study after 40 years of research (I won't go into all the research here) that happiness is contagious like the common cold. So thus good deeds can have greater impact on society and individuals than one may think. That is the direction of The Drive To 2011.

Festivus

I had way too much coffee earlier tonite, and now fear I'll never get to bed. Pretty good Festivus except for the lousy weather, which caused the turnout for the Tonic Room show to be down tonight. I have no real complaints though, the show went alright. We did scare a few people out of the Tonic Room when we started playing, but that's rock 'n' roll.

Now back to Michigan...

The Holidaze

The older I get the more and more I don't care and don't really like Christmas. Christmas is just such a superficial time of year, when you're suppose to spend time with people you don't talk to all year. I just feel akward when I go "back home" anymore. I'm going home to Michigan for Christmas and I'm not looking foward to it at all!!

I was back in Michigan the last couple days, but thankfully my band has a show tomorrow night so I'm back in Chicago for the next couple days.

Am I the only one who can't for the 'holiday season' to be over?

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Doing nothing, stuck in the mud, just pumping the blood.
The water level's getting low, something ugly's going to show.

If only I could touch you, I guess you'd be alarmed.
If only I could touch you, I don't mean you no harm.

If only I could touch you, like the wind can touch the sail,
If only I could touch you, now that all my words have failed.
Flotsam still afloat,
Jetsam thrown out of the boat.

Music of the Decade

Since the decade is winding down to an end in a couple weeks, I've been thinking about all the good and bad music that was created over the past 10 years. This is my top ten albums list of the decade.

1. Tool - 10,000 Days
2. King Crimson - The Power To Believe
3. Saves The Day - Stay What You Are
4. MGMT - Oracular Spectacular
5. Vampire Weekend - Vampire Weekend
6. Tool - Lateralus
7. Portugal. The Man - Censored Colors
8. Porcupine Tree - Fear Of A Blank Planet
9. Radiohead - Kid A
10. Rush - Snakes & Arrows

A to B

Against the run of the mill
Living out our dreams.
Life in a straight line from A to B
Is a mass production scheme.

As I've grown older I understand more
Of the only world that we see.
Perceptions I had only dreamed of,
Now change my idea of reality.

This spacious city that I live in
Still contains the same old me.
I'm no longer a boy searching for
The man I'm meant to be.

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Any fool can play something difficult,
Difficulty lies in what he does not play.
Lakeshore strolls on autumn days,
Endless thoughts eroding away.

Prismism

A Far Cry

One day I feel I'm on top of the world,
And the next day it's falling in on me.
One day I feel I'm ahead of the wheel,
And the next it's rolling over and I can't see.
But I feel I can get back on.

It's a far cry from the world we thought we'd inherit.
It's a far cry from the way we thought we'd share it.

How many times do we wonder if it's even worth it?
There's got to be some other way,
To get through the day.

How many times do we swallow our ambition?
Long to give up the same old way,
And start over on the road as a traveling stray.

In the sweetest child there's a vicious streak.
In the strongest man there's a child so weak.
In the whole wide world there's no magical place.
So you might as well rise up and put on your bravest face.

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In the annuals of history it will be seen that we are living in the new Wild West. The Wild West of the 21st Century exists on computers and the pioneering is in technology.

Right now there are more bandits than sheriffs, but when the time comes when there are more technological sheriffs than bandits we will lose a little more freedom.

Just look at China. Enjoy the internet while you can, and sometimes bandits aren't always bad.

No One At The Bridge

Crying back to consciousness,
the coldness grips my skin.
The sky is pitching violently,
Drawn by shrieking winds.

Remembering when first I held
the wheel in my own hands,
I took the helm so eagerly
and sailed for distant lands.

But now the sea's too heavy.
And I just don't understand,
why must my crew desert me when I need a guiding hand?

Call out for direction
and there's no one there to steer.
Shout out for salvation
but there's no one there to hear.

I'm alone on my journey
and the focus is quite clear.
To survive the storm before me
and seek the light of the pier.

There's no one at the bridge
and now I confront my biggest fear.
I scream out desperation
but no one cares to hear.

A Farewell To Kings

I see the works of gifted hands
That grace this strange and wondrous land
I see the hand of man arise
With hungry mind and open eyes

We can walk our road together
If our goals are all the same.
We can run alone and free
If we pursue a different aim.

Moving Symmetry

Can existence be non-linear? It's just a thought. I have one more class tonight and then I've finished my first quarter of grad school at DePaul. I'm exhausted.

I never realized the lengths I'd have to go
to reach the darkest corners of the sense I didn't know.
Just for a moment I heard somebody call.
Look beyond the day at hand, there's nothing there at all.

Angular Motion

Pioneer To The Falls

I find myself taking walks at night anywhere between 2 to 4 a.m. Chicago is such a different city at that time of night.

I was walking down Pulaski the other night and a guy started talking to me, and I couldn't understand what he was saying. I finally understood he was telling me he had some "grass" and wanted to know if I wanted any. This man got quite upset when I said no, and I continued my walk. This guy followed me for almost two blocks afterwards until he finally got bored following me I guess.

I've been wondering lately if Ian Curtis exists in some plane somewhere? If Ian Curtis does exist somewhere what's he doing?

I think I'm starting to become more reclusive. I don't know if I fear it or embrace it. I haven't called friends back lately and I don't want to. I find interaction more and more of a burden lately. There aresome people though that I still enjoy interactiong with. I always get more reclusive in winter, and every year I tell myself I won't.

I've started writing a book. I don't know if anyone will ever read it, but I'm still writing it. The protaganist's name is Daniel Dust.

Meat

William S. Burroughs said, "Paranoids have all the answers."

I've been thinking about that quote a lately the past couple of days. I find the madness of it intriguing. Who knows maybe the crazy codger was right.

I've had some weird bouts of synchronicity or at least perceived synchronicity lately. It just makes the world seem like a smaller place.

Two weeks before my band plays at the Kinetic Playground for the Pixies aftershow, and I can't stop talking about it.

My perceived radicalism at DePaul I believe is helping me make more friends than enemies. I had my first real outing with people from the DePaul School of Public Service last night and it was a blast. Some really fun chaps. It was nice to go out and do something after class than just go back home like school is a job.

The Facts

Halloween has come to conclusion. Hello to the early november.

In a city of over three million people I feel alone.

I have black sharpie all over my arms and upper body, what a waste.

While I gain more vindication for what I want to achieve I lose focus.

I was Leonard Shelby for Halloween, and nobody knew who he was. I was quite surprised actually, and disappointed.

At DePaul I'm beginning to be perceived as an outspoken radical. Only time will tell how this will play out, but I won't compromise who I am for image.

The band is going good, and less than three weeks before we play the Pixies aftershow at the Kinetic Playground. If I didn't have music I don't know what I'd do.

Tiresias

When it's cold, it comes slow.
It is warm, just watch it grow.
All around me. It is here. It is now.

In season, out of season
What's the difference when you don't know the reason.
In one hand bread, the other a stone.

I have crossed between the poles, and to me there is no mystery.
Once a man like the sea I raged.
Once a woman like the earth I gave.
But there is in fact more earth than sea.

Squonk

If you don't stand up, you don't stand a chance.

Road Report

I was in a car accident earlier tonight, and it sucked.

All I can say is police reports suck, dealing with insurance companies suck, I feel like everthing sucks right now.

What started off as a great weekend on Friday by the end of tonight ended up being pretty fucking miserable.

"I am the one who guided you this far. All you know and all you feel. Nobody must know my name, for nobody would understand and you give what you fear... You're on your own until the end."

Blood On The Rooftops

Fall in Chicago has been a nostalgiac experience. It reminds me of going to school at Ferris State, and something a friend told me about fall three years ago.

He said,"Fall tis the season of Genesis."

So maybe fall tis the season of Genesis? I've been listening to the album "Wind & Wuthering" lately and the music of that album has just been fitting perfectly with fall in Chicago.

I've been getting more political lately. I really believe that grad school is making me better educated in monetary policy, which is making me feel more ready to go out and start stirring the political and social pot in this country.

Unique slumber for the sleepers...

... In that quiet earth.