Capture The Flag

I co-founded the band American Flag over 2 1/2 and now almost three years ago, and now after all the work, sweat, blood, fun, traveling, loudness, and creativity that ride has been put on hiatus.

I had a long conversation with Josh, one of my best friends who also happens to be the singer/guitarist/keyboardist in A. FLag, and it dawned on me yesterday that A. Flag isn't going to be active anytime soon.

Sure we haven't played together since November, and people have been asking me for months when are we going to play next and what we are up to and I'm left to just answer "uhhh."

American Flag is on permanent hiatus for the time being. I hope sometime in the future we will raise Flag again, but Flag has been lowered for all intensive purposes.

Josh is playing with an electronic group now called Garganta and I wish them luck and hope they have a lot of success and can ride the electronic music gravy train.

I had a friend tell me once that he thought American Flag's music reminded him of Animal Collective, and I never understood until yesterday how much of a compliment that really was.

I've been listening to a lot of Animal Collective, Crystal Castles, and Martin Dosh recently and I'm starting to like all of those acts respectively. I'm really taken with the work of Martin Dosh who has his own band Dosh and also drums for Andrew Bird.

I kind of feel like I'm going through a divorce. A. Flag hasn't been active for months now, but it felt like a separation not a divorce, and now I'm realizing that separation has become a divorce. I'm kind of down not now in realizing all this, I thought I'd grow old with this band, but now I have to look to the future, and hopefully like my favorite band King Crimson who has been on hiatus numerous times only to return American Flag will do the same.

I'm thinking more and more of starting my own band, but I don't know what kind of band I want to form. Something Avant Garde? Maybe Jazz? How about Funk? Acoustic/Electronic Hybrid? World Fusion? I guess I'll just buy a ticket and take the ride and see what happens.

Music: Dosh - "Capture The Flag"

Tuesdays With Ben

I've had a mixed past 24 hours. The condo in Edgewater that my friend Mike and I thought we'd be moving into for sure we didn't get, and was given to a young family because they had a baby so they were given priority. Just another reason to hate children.

My band is playing a showcase show in April now that will be hosted by the once popular Mancow Muller. I didn't know Mancow was still around, but he still is apparently and he will be our MC and introducing my band to the audience at the show. I am not a fan of Mancow so I don't really care, but I find it funny to play a show hosted by the once famous DJ.

I got into a very serious conversation almost turned argument over what it is to be Avant Garde. I find it those who don't like avant garde have no way to define and in turn only don't like a concept they can't understand. It has brought the question to my mind of what is it to be Avant Garde? Any takers have any definitions/ideas?

I'm thinking about starting my own jazz/funk/experimental band. I like being accessible and playing pop/rock music, and playing shows to big crowds who dig the music, but I really enjoy music that it more creative and rather break boundaries than appeal to fans. Now the problem is finding musicians who want to be in a band whose focus is on making creative and interesting music and not necessarily interested in making music the majority of people want to hear.

The bar Simon's is really starting to grow on me.

I'm feeling kind of hipster today, think I'll head over to Wicker Park decked out in Ben Sherman.

Success

I got accepted into grad school this weekend. I found a place in Edgewater than I'm about 98% sure I'm going to move to and I might have a real job by the end of the week. Finally some success.

This Is My Nightmare

"Houses iced in whitewash guard a pale shore-line
Cornered by the cactus and the pine.
Here I wander where sweet sage and strange herbs grow
Down a sun-baked crumpled stony road.

Dusty wheels leaning rusting in the sun;
Snuff brown walls where Spanish lizards run.
Here I'm shadowed by a dragon fig tree's fan
Ringed by ants and musing over man."


Another weekend come and gone. I took a large dose of tramadol last night and then drank some beer which did not make a good result. I can't say I'd recommend what I did to most people.

I almost had some Psilocybin Mushrooms this weekend, but it didn't happen and I'm not disappointed really. I wasn't in the right mental framework to have a psyedelic experience right now.

I had a friend of mine refer to me as a writer. That was quite comforting since I usually refer to myself as a wanna be writer, and he said to me that I am a writer and not a wanna be.

I've had some strange days recently, but in a good and not in a bad way.

I suggest the movie "The Go-Getter" to anyone looking for something different to watch, it is an interesting film.

World's Are Colliding

Fuck it dude, lets go bowling! That seems to be my answer to all of the problems of life anymore. St. Patrick's Day is always a strange time of year for me, it's almost like my new years because I remember what I do on this day very well and always find myself comparing the me of now to the me of 1, 2, or 3 years ago.

I canceled my trip out west, it's just not the right time for that. I'm trying to be selfless, and a few of my friends are doing really well despite the economy and everything else going on, and I feel very good for them. If it I dwell on it for too long though I start to think of myself and twist and warp into selfish thinking about when am I going to strike gold again. Sometimes I wish I could permanently remove some of the thoughts that wonder into my head. Maybe Chicago isn't the answer for me, or maybe it's just the lock to the key that opens the door to my answer.

I connect more and more with the wanderers of life. Maybe my problem is I'm trying to settle down, but I'm just not the person to do that. When I was depressed last year it was for the same reason, but I wasn't settled down in Chicago I was stuck up in northern Michigan. Maybe location isn't the answer, but the process of living. I'm thinking about taking a trip up north it could help me alleviate some thoughts and feelings about things. I wish I had a travel companion. I've always wanted to go to Tangiers and India and all these mystique places, but I don't want to go there alone. It might be time to give up the single life for at least a while and test the waters not dared spoken of. I don't know if I'm ready for that, but I do love a great adventure and even better a great challenge.

What If Psychoactive Drugs Explained Religion?

I have recently come to a theory that some may find absurd, but I think could explain a lot for discovering truth about ourselves and help progress society.

I have been researching the brain, and more specifically the effects of psychoactive drugs on the brain. One reason psychoactive drugs have an effect on us is because psychoactive chemicals/drugs simply synthesize neurotransmitters that our brains already have in them. Psychoactive drugs like LSD, Peyote, Psilocybin, and Cannibis intensify neurotransmitters to neurorecepters in the right temporal lobe of the brain. It's the temporal lobe of the brain we use to be able to identify the 'self' as well as our 5 senses. Intense signals sent to the temporal lobe cause a change in consciousness because consciousness is created by the electrical pulse sent from transmitters to recepters in the brain, and so by changing the amount of pulses sent from transmitters to recepters changes ones consciousness. That is a pretty radical thought that our consciousness is changed by taking chemicals that in the case of dopamine or seratoin are already made and found in the body.

Here's where it gets fun:

76% of people given LSD or Peyote for scientific testing identify feeling the presence of someone or something else next to them. The presence is always described based on culture. When LSD or Peyote is given to Native Americans they claim to see/feel spirits and other animistic mystical beings. When given to Roman Catholics, catholics claim they see, talk to, or feel the Virgin Mary. When given to Protestants they claim to feel the presence of God. What's interesting is LSD and Peyote only intensify signals to neurorecpters that already exist in the brain, so one could have a mystical or religious experience without drugs and believe that they are feeling the presence of God or some other mystical force. By giving people psychoactive it intensifys the receptors that identify the 'self' and thus greatly increase in identifying a 'self' that is not us, but we feel such as feeling the presence of God. The reason for that is, when our consciousness is changed by chemicals in our brains it alters our state of mind and state of being, so our senses become much more sensitve and colors seem more vivid and music seems to come alive, and that allows applies to the sense of 'self' and we expand our feeling of self and as scientists say "kill the ego" and most people believe they feel another presence besides their own.

If you tell religious people that you can emulate a religious experience through psychoactive drugs, and your religious experiences were caused by a change of chemicals in your brain and not by some supernatural power what would people do? Governments make psychoactive drugs illegal because they can positively shed new light on old world beliefs and would us progressively improve society. LSD explains the reason why religion exists. The belief in God is a feeling of another presence that a lot, but not all people get from time to time because of nature chemical changes in their brains, and drugs only amplify those changes and cause what people call religious experiences to be sees and felt as real by those who takes the drugs. People will naturally get experiences feeling more than oneself and depending on your culture will explain how you identify it. So if religious people feel another presence they explain it as being God or whatever spiritual entity they choose because religion is part of their culture, and they don't understand what is actually going on in the brain.

When I've taken LSD I definitely felt a presence existed in close proximity to me that was not my self. I definitely feel that what I felt is what religious people would call the presence of God, but I know it wasn't God it was just a change of my consciousness. I actually think that feeling of another self that people get is connecting to the collective sub-conscious that exists all around us, but we can't normally tap into because our brains can't focus intensely enough on those electro-magnetic forces that surround us that is the collective sub-conscious.

Some more interesting facts about LSD:

Some studies in the 1950s that used LSD to treat alcoholism professed a 50% success rate, five times higher than estimates near 10% for Alcoholics Annonymous

Albert Hoffman who first synthesized LSD did studys showing that the drug helped reduce migraine headaches, could be used to treat obsessive-compulsive disorder due to LSD's stimulation of the 5-HT2A recepters in the brain, and when given to schizophrenics it had positive effects of stabalizing a person diagnosed with schizophrenia because of the drug's ability to facilitate relief of various emotional episodes.

I believe LSD and most psychoactive are illegal because the government does not want people to be altering their state of mind and purposely changing their conscious because it makes manipulation and control of the masses much harder. In fact most governments use drugs as a way to control their populations by regulating drugs, hence the war on drugs and why 50% of people in prison are in prison for violentless crimes. In the 1980's the World Health Organization thought about putting valium in public water supplies with the idea that it would decrease violence, luckily it didn't happen, but an interesting fact about LSD is the government gave LSD to unknowing participants to see what would happen and it's from those experiments that came the idea that LSD can cause you to go insane, which is non-sense. LSD has no more of a permanent effect on the brain than that of caffeine, but people are told opposite and it's the continued manipulation of the American people by the U.S. government.

Ever notice that drugs that are bad for you are legal (alcohol, nicotine, prescription drugs) but drugs that don't potentially harm you at all and can help open minds and hearts to new possibilites and new beginnings are illegal (LSD, Peyote, Psilocybin, Jimsonweed, DMT) and not only illegal but seen as very dangerous.

I Could Have Died Last Night

So I went out last night with some friends of mine who I haven't seen in quite a while. We went to the usual waterhole we use to patron when we saw more of each other in years past. I ordered a Sam Adams draft a couple beers into the night, and to my shock there was a prize at the bottle of my beer glass, which was pieces of jagged glass. The initial reaction from me and my friends was that of horror. I didn't notice the glass at all until I got to the bottom of my beer, and saw pieces of something which kind of looked like ice, but on closer inspection was actually jagged glass. My friends are yelling lawsuit! lawsuit! while I'm demanding satisfaction from the manager of the establishment. I get apologies from three different people who work there who claim to be sorry, but you know aren't because they really don't care as long as they don't get fired and my bar tab was free, but I was still really ticked off. I could/would have easily died if i swallowed any of that glass (they were big and sharp pieces, not like little tiny particles), and when my friend says to the manager you have to be more careful if want to avoid potential lawsuits and negligence is not an excuse for bodily harm, the manager's simply reply was, "That's why we have great lawyers." The simple fact that the guy was a jackass about it and showed no emotions or sympathy towards the situation just infuriated me. So it was quickly decided to go elsewhere.

I was initially hoping that maybe someone was trying to kill me, but putting jagged glass in my drink. It would sure spice up my life and make things more interesting, but oh well.

At multiple friends requests I saw the movie Watchmen today, and I have to admit it was much better than I thought it would be. I stopped reading comic books like a decade ago, and besides the Dark Knight I don't care about the hype for comic book movies, but I have some friends who were fans of Watchmen and told me it was up my alley and I have to agree. The characters have real depth to them, and it is very well written. Some of the effects I found cheesey and could have done without and I might have done the casting differently, but the story it tells is pretty good. I would recommend it to anyone who likes films that make them think (which I think a good film should do). As far as Watchmen goes, I think for the sci-fi/comic book/super hero world it probably had the most relatable characters I've ever seen in that genre before.

Now it's raining out, with tornado warnings and I feel ill.

Savage Adventures in Chicago

I feel at my most Kerouac today. I'm at the apple store bored out of my mind right now, feeling like a true traveler and permanent wanderer. I think its time to head north to Lincoln Square. It is a beautiful day, and hopefully an adventurous evening.

Here's To The State Of Rick Warren (Lyrics)

"Here's to the churches of Rick Warren.
For underneath his pews the devil draws no line.
He's not a friend of civil rights and he ain't no friend of mine.
The fat covering his heart, covers a hate that he can't hide.
The calendar is fooled, when it states the christian time.
Here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Rick Warren find yourself another country to be part of.

Here's to the economy of Tim Geithner.
Where the dollar means nothing, and its value is even less.
Those who want fiscal reform are just seen as a pest.
Deficits are mounting into a larger and larger mess.
Where banks control everything is what Timmy believes is best.
Here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Tim Geithner find yourself another country to be part of.

Here's to the laws of Eric Holder.
We're a nation of cowards is what he has to say.
He's a supporter of equal rights unless you're white or gay.
Look at what they did in California, they won and got their way.
But you can't stop freedom, we will get equal rights in the USA.
Here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Eric Holder find yourself another country to be part of.

Here's to the government of Sarah Palin.
In the swamp of her bureaucracy there's always bogging down.
She doesn't care for democracy, she wants to be fitted with a crown.
She's an imposter with no values and better not to make a sound,
Because the speeches of Gov. Palin are the ravings of a clown.
Here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Sarah Palin find yourself another country to be part of.

Here's to the public schools of Nancy Pelosi.
Where they're teaching all the children they don't have to care.
The seeds of ignorance are present everywhere.
Every single classroom is a factory of despair.
Nobody's learning such a foreign word as fair.
Here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Nancy Pelosi find yourself another country to be part of.

Here's to the state of Rick Warren.
Where you descriminate against people just because they're gay.
You use morals to justify the hateful things you say.
Turning America into a christian theocracy you think is ok.
When church is separated from state, your reign of tyranny will end on that day.
Here's to the land you've torn out the heart of,
Rick Warren find yourself another countryto be part of."

- William Covert