I got called something today that I've never been called in my life. I was called "fun sized." I know I'm not tall, and at 5'8'' I'm shorter than the average Amercian male, but fun sized really. I was told it was a compliment, but I wasn't too flattered.
I'm working this weekend at a monster truck rally, and all I can say about that experience is two things:
1. Only in America would people race lawn mowers.
2. Monster truck fans don't like fried vegetables.
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Inductive Resonance
It is impossible to achieve the aim without suffering.
It is possible to suffer without achieving the aim.
Understanding changes what we understand.
A test of our understanding is whether we can apply it in practice.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When we had no faces we turned to the bright sea.
We wished and heard voices, released our hands and feet, heartbeat.
This Yes, this is how we want it to be.
I say yes, this is how we want it to be.
So let us lead on, Yes, with the big sunshine in us.
Let me trust in your constant releasing of me.
Let the world commence dancing with peace.
This is how we want it to be, lets say yes, this is how we want it to be.
It is possible to suffer without achieving the aim.
Understanding changes what we understand.
A test of our understanding is whether we can apply it in practice.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
When we had no faces we turned to the bright sea.
We wished and heard voices, released our hands and feet, heartbeat.
This Yes, this is how we want it to be.
I say yes, this is how we want it to be.
So let us lead on, Yes, with the big sunshine in us.
Let me trust in your constant releasing of me.
Let the world commence dancing with peace.
This is how we want it to be, lets say yes, this is how we want it to be.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Mind - The Most Useful Renewable Resource
Individually we can all bring about radical transformation of the mind and not accept things as they are, but to learn and understand and use our hearts and minds to explore the possibilities and logically conclude on everything it is we need to find out in our lives.
That is a way of living differently for most, but it depends on you and NOT somebody else to come to that decision.
There is no teacher, there is no pupil, there is no leader, there is no guru, there is no master, there is no savior.
You yourself are the teacher, are the pupil, are the leader, are the guru, are the master, and the savior.
To understand is to transform what is.
Enlightenment can feel so good.
That is a way of living differently for most, but it depends on you and NOT somebody else to come to that decision.
There is no teacher, there is no pupil, there is no leader, there is no guru, there is no master, there is no savior.
You yourself are the teacher, are the pupil, are the leader, are the guru, are the master, and the savior.
To understand is to transform what is.
Enlightenment can feel so good.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Saved The Day
Thursday night I was homeless for a few hours, it was quite an interesting experience.
I don't have too many friends left, maybe it's time to make new friends?
Everytime I get down, or something that appears to be bad happens to me music is there to pick me up.
I am so lucky to have music in my life, and I'm even more lucky to be a musician. People can rip on me and say whatever they want about me as a person, but no one can ever take away my musical ability and the ability of happiness I can give through music. It is really quite the blessing to be an artist, I wish more people expressed their creativity through the arts.
I don't know what I ever did to receive the criticism I've gotten, but not only don't I think I deserve it I just don't give a shit that it exists.
I feel that the future is mine to be had and no one can stop me, though I'm sure many will try.
The World has a way of working itself out.
Music: Saves The Day - "Anywhere With You"
I don't have too many friends left, maybe it's time to make new friends?
Everytime I get down, or something that appears to be bad happens to me music is there to pick me up.
I am so lucky to have music in my life, and I'm even more lucky to be a musician. People can rip on me and say whatever they want about me as a person, but no one can ever take away my musical ability and the ability of happiness I can give through music. It is really quite the blessing to be an artist, I wish more people expressed their creativity through the arts.
I don't know what I ever did to receive the criticism I've gotten, but not only don't I think I deserve it I just don't give a shit that it exists.
I feel that the future is mine to be had and no one can stop me, though I'm sure many will try.
The World has a way of working itself out.
Music: Saves The Day - "Anywhere With You"
Monday, May 18, 2009
Expectation Is A Prison
I had been kind of bummed the past day and a half, but sometimes something as simple as an idea or sentence than help clarify things.
I was doing some meditation earlier and that was excatly what I needed to re-energize myself.
It hit me in the head like being blinded by truth and reason and I felt so dumb, expectation is a prison. My problem with myself as of late is I haven't been succeeding up to my own expectations.
The idea of expectations is pretty stupid. I have to let go of my expectations, which is difficult to be, but is a must at this point.
Robert Fripp once said, "When a musician believes that music is a commodity, music dies in them." I think that's what has kind of started to develop in me recently. I've grown so sick of the commercial music scene that I've started to view music as a commodity item, which it's hard not to. It's made music more and more difficult for me to enjoy, and I think part of that is also the expectations I have for myself in music because of my level of proficiency and where I think I should be. I just have to let all those ideas and thoughts go, and just be.
Clarity is a great thing to have if you can get it.
I was doing some meditation earlier and that was excatly what I needed to re-energize myself.
It hit me in the head like being blinded by truth and reason and I felt so dumb, expectation is a prison. My problem with myself as of late is I haven't been succeeding up to my own expectations.
The idea of expectations is pretty stupid. I have to let go of my expectations, which is difficult to be, but is a must at this point.
Robert Fripp once said, "When a musician believes that music is a commodity, music dies in them." I think that's what has kind of started to develop in me recently. I've grown so sick of the commercial music scene that I've started to view music as a commodity item, which it's hard not to. It's made music more and more difficult for me to enjoy, and I think part of that is also the expectations I have for myself in music because of my level of proficiency and where I think I should be. I just have to let all those ideas and thoughts go, and just be.
Clarity is a great thing to have if you can get it.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Fainting In Coils
I had a great start to the weekend with a very so-so ending.
Thursday I went to Wrigley Field for my first time this and had my best experience maybe ever at a Cubs game. Then Thursday night I was down in Ukranian Village and Wicker Park and really like it down there. I need to move to Wicker Park.
There are apparently a chain of convenient stores in Iowa called Kum & Go. I think that's pretty damn hilarious.
I saw Angels & Demons on Friday and that was kind of a yawn. It was better than The Da Vinci Code, but it was still just kind of blah.
I was taking a shower earlier today and was actually contemplating retiring from music or at least rock music, and I've never had thoughts like that before.
It seems pretty uncool to be a musician these days, it's much cooler if you're a no talent hack with no stage presence and limited or no musical ability who ascends to be be playing music.
I realize those seems like harsh words for which I apologize if I sound too much like a whining asshole, but at the same time the words are fairly accurate.
In the musician world I'm too experimental, too complicated, and not conventional enough to be accepted for my merits, and in the non-musician world I'm seen too much as a pretentious bastard who is too serious about his music to get any respect and aknowledgement from my peers. The amount of support I get from some friends is the only thing that really keeps me going anymore.
Mont Campbell is one of my favorite musicians from one of my favorite bands Egg. Mont retired from music at an early age which is why most people never heard of him or his music. He's a very talented musician, and a brilliant composer, but only had a short professional career. When asked why he retired so young he said because he was searching for praise for his music and he wasn't getting any.
A lack of praise is pretty much what I feel I'm receiving, but not that I'm looking for praise just some acknowledgement towards what I'm doing and trying to do. Of course if I did retire from music I don't know what the hell I would do with my life. Who knows maybe some things are best figured out on the fly.
Thursday I went to Wrigley Field for my first time this and had my best experience maybe ever at a Cubs game. Then Thursday night I was down in Ukranian Village and Wicker Park and really like it down there. I need to move to Wicker Park.
There are apparently a chain of convenient stores in Iowa called Kum & Go. I think that's pretty damn hilarious.
I saw Angels & Demons on Friday and that was kind of a yawn. It was better than The Da Vinci Code, but it was still just kind of blah.
I was taking a shower earlier today and was actually contemplating retiring from music or at least rock music, and I've never had thoughts like that before.
It seems pretty uncool to be a musician these days, it's much cooler if you're a no talent hack with no stage presence and limited or no musical ability who ascends to be be playing music.
I realize those seems like harsh words for which I apologize if I sound too much like a whining asshole, but at the same time the words are fairly accurate.
In the musician world I'm too experimental, too complicated, and not conventional enough to be accepted for my merits, and in the non-musician world I'm seen too much as a pretentious bastard who is too serious about his music to get any respect and aknowledgement from my peers. The amount of support I get from some friends is the only thing that really keeps me going anymore.
Mont Campbell is one of my favorite musicians from one of my favorite bands Egg. Mont retired from music at an early age which is why most people never heard of him or his music. He's a very talented musician, and a brilliant composer, but only had a short professional career. When asked why he retired so young he said because he was searching for praise for his music and he wasn't getting any.
A lack of praise is pretty much what I feel I'm receiving, but not that I'm looking for praise just some acknowledgement towards what I'm doing and trying to do. Of course if I did retire from music I don't know what the hell I would do with my life. Who knows maybe some things are best figured out on the fly.
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Time To Pretend
I was talking to my mom earlier today and somehow we ended up talking about MGMT. I'm still wondering how the hell does my mom know who MGMT is? I guess it's just one of those weird surprises of life. Speaking of MGMT, I've been listening to them a lot lately and I think they might be the best new band out there in music. They are great musicians, but their lyrics are some of the best I've ever heard. Musically they remind me a lot of 80's Talking Heads, like the influence is definitely there and kudos to Andrew & Ben for bringing psychedelic music back to pop music.
I've been thinking about this lately and I think people get too caught up in their routines. Whether it's eating routines, work routines, drinking routines, sex routines, or whatever I think routines ruin whatever act it is your doing. Does anyone else think routines make life boring and dull? I meet so many people caught up in their various routines and it's like living in a voluntary prison.
I feel like Randall MacMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. It's like I've been confined to this loony bin, but everyone else is here voluntarily and I can't figure out why they volunteer to be here while I'm trying to break out.
I was talking to someone earlier who had a simliar living situation as me, and I feel a little better about myself finding other couch surfers out there. Is it just me or is it always the couch surfers and near bums who are always the best philosophers and have the best outlooks on life?
I'd rather live my life sleeping under the stars and living off the land than deal with the money machines and never ending strain of the plastic material world.
"Black tears, black smile, black credit cards and shoes
You can call all the people you want
But it's you who's being used..."
I've been thinking about this lately and I think people get too caught up in their routines. Whether it's eating routines, work routines, drinking routines, sex routines, or whatever I think routines ruin whatever act it is your doing. Does anyone else think routines make life boring and dull? I meet so many people caught up in their various routines and it's like living in a voluntary prison.
I feel like Randall MacMurphy in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest. It's like I've been confined to this loony bin, but everyone else is here voluntarily and I can't figure out why they volunteer to be here while I'm trying to break out.
I was talking to someone earlier who had a simliar living situation as me, and I feel a little better about myself finding other couch surfers out there. Is it just me or is it always the couch surfers and near bums who are always the best philosophers and have the best outlooks on life?
I'd rather live my life sleeping under the stars and living off the land than deal with the money machines and never ending strain of the plastic material world.
"Black tears, black smile, black credit cards and shoes
You can call all the people you want
But it's you who's being used..."
Monday, May 11, 2009
Learning Curve
I like surprises and this world is full of them.
Friday night I was a place called The Inconvience which is basically an illegal hipster bar. It's an artist collective in a giant loft on Lincoln just south of Belmont and they have all ages shows filled with music, performance art, and all kinds of things.
The people there were not ready for me. I tend to get associated to hipsters or get called a hipster by friends of mine, but the more I'm around these supposed "hipsters" I don't like the term. To be hipster has become a cool thing to be so a lot of young (and I'm also noticing more older people) are trying to act the part of being a hipster, but it's corrupting the term.
Hipsters are really just 21st century bohemians and carry the philosophy of the beats from the 1950s. To be a hipster has more to do with your personality and ideas than your image and people don't understand that.
I identity with the hipster movement because I understand where it comes from and agree with the ideas it's suppose to incorporate and stand for, but now all the marketing and commercialism of hipsters has ruined what it really is. You can pretty quickly tell the real ones from the fakers, and a lot of them are fakers. Not all of them obviously, but these so-called hipster should open up their hearts and minds a little bit more and try to understand the world better.
On another note, it's weird sometimes how things come together and weird in a good way. A few days before this past weekend I had it with the city of Chicago and about hated the place, and after this weekend those angered feelings are all gone and replaced with feelings of anxiety and a sense of discovery.
It's strange how sometimes you can meet someone, but not really know them and then be associated to that person for a while and then existential like circumstances which seem almost random can bring you to better know the person and connect. You never know who you might share common interests with and I've just felt lately that the mysteries of the universie are more mysterious than I previously believed.
I've become more and more of a fan of tye dye recently. Tye dye is probably the greatest thing the hippies gave the world.
I have a new trip I'm planning for now. This August I'm looking to go out to Portland and check it out to see if I like it and if I should consider settling down out there one day. While in Portland I think I'm going to go to Missoula, Montana, which is actually suppose to be a pretty 'hip' city (yes I used the word hip haha) for no other reason than it's the hometown of my favorite film maker David Lynch.
Friday night I was a place called The Inconvience which is basically an illegal hipster bar. It's an artist collective in a giant loft on Lincoln just south of Belmont and they have all ages shows filled with music, performance art, and all kinds of things.
The people there were not ready for me. I tend to get associated to hipsters or get called a hipster by friends of mine, but the more I'm around these supposed "hipsters" I don't like the term. To be hipster has become a cool thing to be so a lot of young (and I'm also noticing more older people) are trying to act the part of being a hipster, but it's corrupting the term.
Hipsters are really just 21st century bohemians and carry the philosophy of the beats from the 1950s. To be a hipster has more to do with your personality and ideas than your image and people don't understand that.
I identity with the hipster movement because I understand where it comes from and agree with the ideas it's suppose to incorporate and stand for, but now all the marketing and commercialism of hipsters has ruined what it really is. You can pretty quickly tell the real ones from the fakers, and a lot of them are fakers. Not all of them obviously, but these so-called hipster should open up their hearts and minds a little bit more and try to understand the world better.
On another note, it's weird sometimes how things come together and weird in a good way. A few days before this past weekend I had it with the city of Chicago and about hated the place, and after this weekend those angered feelings are all gone and replaced with feelings of anxiety and a sense of discovery.
It's strange how sometimes you can meet someone, but not really know them and then be associated to that person for a while and then existential like circumstances which seem almost random can bring you to better know the person and connect. You never know who you might share common interests with and I've just felt lately that the mysteries of the universie are more mysterious than I previously believed.
I've become more and more of a fan of tye dye recently. Tye dye is probably the greatest thing the hippies gave the world.
I have a new trip I'm planning for now. This August I'm looking to go out to Portland and check it out to see if I like it and if I should consider settling down out there one day. While in Portland I think I'm going to go to Missoula, Montana, which is actually suppose to be a pretty 'hip' city (yes I used the word hip haha) for no other reason than it's the hometown of my favorite film maker David Lynch.
Monday, May 4, 2009
Smile Of A Waiting Man
Well the verdict came in today and I am accepted to DePaul University's School of Public Service to attend grad school starting this fall.
I was reminded of a great quote today when I was reading my acceptance e-mail from DePaul. "It is possible to suffer without achieving the aim," the quote is by Robert Fripp and serves me as a reality check sometimes.
I have been waiting a while to hear back from DePaul University about grad school and have been humming a song in my head for about a week now. It is probably my favorite song of all time by my favorite band King Crimson, and the subject of the song is man waiting to return home. I have always connected to songs about going home because I feel that I don't have one, so I'm constantly waiting to go home.
"I come back...come back
you see my return
my returning face is smiling
smile of a waiting man...
I be home soon soon soon
soon cry on your shoulder
your shoulder against my burning tears
tears of a waiting man...
one two three four one two three...
I wait every moment
I wait, wait for my chance
I wait for my friend to say
hello, you waiting man
feel no fret feel no fret feel no fret
you can wait and feel no fret
and so I wait so I wait so I wait so I wait
I return face is smiling
be home soon cry on your shoulder
tears of a waiting man
every moment wait for my chance
my friend say hello feel no fret
you can wait and I wait and I wait
and home I am..."
- Adrian Belew
Music: King Crimson "Waiting Man"
I was reminded of a great quote today when I was reading my acceptance e-mail from DePaul. "It is possible to suffer without achieving the aim," the quote is by Robert Fripp and serves me as a reality check sometimes.
I have been waiting a while to hear back from DePaul University about grad school and have been humming a song in my head for about a week now. It is probably my favorite song of all time by my favorite band King Crimson, and the subject of the song is man waiting to return home. I have always connected to songs about going home because I feel that I don't have one, so I'm constantly waiting to go home.
"I come back...come back
you see my return
my returning face is smiling
smile of a waiting man...
I be home soon soon soon
soon cry on your shoulder
your shoulder against my burning tears
tears of a waiting man...
one two three four one two three...
I wait every moment
I wait, wait for my chance
I wait for my friend to say
hello, you waiting man
feel no fret feel no fret feel no fret
you can wait and feel no fret
and so I wait so I wait so I wait so I wait
I return face is smiling
be home soon cry on your shoulder
tears of a waiting man
every moment wait for my chance
my friend say hello feel no fret
you can wait and I wait and I wait
and home I am..."
- Adrian Belew
Music: King Crimson "Waiting Man"
Friday, May 1, 2009
Starless...
Sundown dazzling day
Gold through my eyes
But my eyes turned within only see
Starless and Bible Black
Old friend guiding light
Cruel twisted smile
And the smile signals emptiness for me
Starless and Bible Black
Ice blue silver sky
Fades into grey
To a grey hope that all yearns to be
Starless and Bible Black
Transform faces change
Cats cunning shows
That in the end you may win but you lose
Starless and Bible Black
Gold through my eyes
But my eyes turned within only see
Starless and Bible Black
Old friend guiding light
Cruel twisted smile
And the smile signals emptiness for me
Starless and Bible Black
Ice blue silver sky
Fades into grey
To a grey hope that all yearns to be
Starless and Bible Black
Transform faces change
Cats cunning shows
That in the end you may win but you lose
Starless and Bible Black
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